Listening is Powerful: September 11th and Us

I'm reflecting on the event of September 11th in 2001, the horror at the Twin Towers, and the anger from that event that seems similar to collective anger re: our current administration. That anger we must not turn on others. Instead let's reflect on our inner needs to integrate our responses within ourselves.

Like many people, I am uncomfortable with the current administration in our federal government. I must admit that at times I feel extremely frustrated and powerless to do anything positive to change the way people of color, women, immigrants and the poor are being treated. I feel a big change is needed soon because so many are suffering, and who can predict what may happen to make the situation worse? All it may take is one tweet from the White House to create havoc for the most vulnerable part of our population.

While I feel anger about what is going on with the hate speech and hate crimes, what I want to address here is more the personal anger I see cropping up in people I love and respect. A close friend of mine in my home state, right after the election in November, yelled at me because I didn't vote for Hillary Clinton. In her view, I was aiding and abetting Trump's election by not voting for his opponent.

Heart Circle Cooperative Game

I explained to her that morally I did not feel I could support Clinton or Trump, that party politics, the entire system is corrupt, fueled by big money, super PACs and lobbyists. To me voting for a Democrat is not a lot different from voting for a Republican these days as the same corporations fund both parties, and put forth only those candidates who will toe the party line. I voted for Jill Stein of the Green Party because she seems to be a moralist, getting arrested at the DAPL protest and advocating for people's rights. My friend listened, but I don't know if she agrees. That's okay. We don't have to all agree. What is needed is mutual respect and a willingness to hear each other out, to listen attentively to one another's stories, instead of trying to push our ideas on others.

Listening is Powerful.  I believe that when we truly listen to another when she or he is conveying heartfelt messages, we empower that person and ourselves, as well. As long as we are trying to be right rather than trying to communicate our truth, we may set up a conflict. Conflicts can be difficult to resolve. It is much easier to start with respect and listen to each other's hearts, clarifying when needed, than it is to clean up failed communications that have resulted in conflicts.

When we truly try to know one another, we experience a deeper level of communication that often helps connect us. When we try to impose our ideas and values on others, we may only hit superficial levels on which communication attempts fail, like rubber balls bouncing off  a wall. It is only when we open ourselves to others' reality that we truly communicate.

Anger is about an uneasiness inside ourselves. It is not about another person; it is about us and what we need to resolve within ourselves for personal integration. Misplaced anger can destroy relationships. I want to look inside when I feel angry and upset and turn the mirror on myself. What is it I need to do to resolve this dis-ease inside myself? Breathe? Meditate? Exercise? Sing? Write?

Striking out at others when I am disturbed is something I am working to avoid. Before saying something I might regret, I try to remember to ask myself, "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" If I can answer "yes" to all three questions, I will make the comment. But by the time I have reflected on these points, often the irritation or anger has dissipated.

Anger is a messenger, not a weapon, and that message is to ourselves, not our friends and loved ones. Listening  to ourselves is powerful.