Finding our Voices as Women

 

Winona LaDuke Speaking for the Earth

Those who know me well would probably not say that I am reluctant to voice my opinions. I do speak up when I have something to say.. However, at times I speak in such a direct, forceful manner that it puts some people off. Why? I think I can be blunt is that, even after many decades of speaking my mind, I am still not wholly comfortable with doing so.

I think it stems from the utter suppression of my voice I experienced as a child. My father was not really interested in my opinion, or even to hear about a need I might have. It wasn’t that he didn’t care so much as it was the old “a child should be seen and not heard” attitude that many parents in the 50s and 60s believed. Even though I do express my opinions to most everyone, somewhere inside me I am fighting against hard wiring that what I say and feel doesn’t matter. So why express it?

 Surprisingly, many women I know in their prime still can’t speak their mind, express their needs, or voice an opinion on a current issue because they 1.) were conditioned to be submissive, 2.) lack confidence that their feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter, 3.) are afraid of standing out, 4.) avoid confrontation, or 5.) are people pleasers.

 No matter why we don’t speak our minds, it is important that we tell ourselves that what we think and feel is important…that we are important. The next step is to practice speaking up for ourselves.

 Consider the following ways to practice using our voices:

•           Journal your feelings. Write through your grief, anger, and insecurities.
•           Don’t say “yes’ when you really want to say “no.”
•          Join a women’s group where you can safely learn to practice your voice.
•          Sing. It’s a good way to  practice using your voice creatively.

We all have wisdom and important ideas and feelings to share with others. We can all make a difference by using our voices to speak our truths. We can support one another and encourage other women to speak out. Sometimes we won’t always have our words received as we want. When we can touch our inner self and speak from our deepest core, we can better deflect the challenge posed by those who would suppress our voices. We cannot all be like Winona LaDuke, climate activist and water protector, who courageously opposes oil pipelines on native lands, yet we can raise our own voices.

 I know I need much practice in using gentler words and a milder tone. Yet even if our presentation isn’t perfect or doesn’t conform to the standard of being “ladylike,” we still must power on and hone our communication skills. We women will come into our collective power when all of us, one by one, learn to speak our minds in our own unique and precious voices.

COVID Comfort

For the last six months, we have all been living through a pandemic, the likes of which most of us have never been through or dreamed was a possible reality. I have good days and bad days. Some days I am engulfed in frustration that I cannot just go to the grocery store whenever I like as it may be too crowded for someone like me who has pre-existing conditions that put me in the high risk category. On these days I often feel isolated and lonely, taking some comfort, though, in Zoom meetings and classes.

sj-objio-8hHxO3iYuU0-unsplash

 Other days, especially when I have one of those rare in-person meetings with a friend, I feel more hopeful, that someday this pandemic will run its course, that this new normal will meld into a newer, less scary reality with more possibilities for connection and entry back into a life of engagement and productivity. 

This is a time of distance, physical, psychic, spiritual, and emotional. This distance is within me, as well. Often I feel estranged from my core, out of sync with my emotions, and my best self. I strive to take care of my health, meditate, exercise, eat well, and keep in touch with friends by phone and Internet as much as possible. It isn't as comforting as being in the physical presence of others, but it is some contact...and contact is what I am really missing. In my mind I hear the words, "Is anybody out there?" These words echo and race around and around inside my being. 

One time I got a pretty good answer coming back to me. In the wee hours of night, in the middle of a deep sleep, some words suddenly blared loudly inside my brain, waking me, prompting me to jump up to a sitting position in bed. It was someone singing a particular chant, "Baba Nam Kevalam," "Love is All There Is." Who had so abruptly woken me up from such a deep sleep chanting these Sanskrit words?  I looked around me, still groggy with sleep. There was no one there. No electronic device was on. 

It's a mystery. I'd like to think it may have been an answer to the question running around my mind, "Is anybody out there?" Shall I venture a guess that it was my Higher Self, or God reaching out in my despair. My spiritual teacher has said, "You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you, too." We all need one another in these challenging times. We need to show one another that there IS somebody out there. We are all one.WE are who is out there. Each and everyone of us. That thought does give me some comfort here during this strange time of COVID-19. May it be of comfort to you, too.