Listening is Powerful: September 11th and Us

I'm reflecting on the event of September 11th in 2001, the horror at the Twin Towers, and the anger from that event that seems similar to collective anger re: our current administration. That anger we must not turn on others. Instead let's reflect on our inner needs to integrate our responses within ourselves.

Like many people, I am uncomfortable with the current administration in our federal government. I must admit that at times I feel extremely frustrated and powerless to do anything positive to change the way people of color, women, immigrants and the poor are being treated. I feel a big change is needed soon because so many are suffering, and who can predict what may happen to make the situation worse? All it may take is one tweet from the White House to create havoc for the most vulnerable part of our population.

While I feel anger about what is going on with the hate speech and hate crimes, what I want to address here is more the personal anger I see cropping up in people I love and respect. A close friend of mine in my home state, right after the election in November, yelled at me because I didn't vote for Hillary Clinton. In her view, I was aiding and abetting Trump's election by not voting for his opponent.

Heart Circle Cooperative Game

I explained to her that morally I did not feel I could support Clinton or Trump, that party politics, the entire system is corrupt, fueled by big money, super PACs and lobbyists. To me voting for a Democrat is not a lot different from voting for a Republican these days as the same corporations fund both parties, and put forth only those candidates who will toe the party line. I voted for Jill Stein of the Green Party because she seems to be a moralist, getting arrested at the DAPL protest and advocating for people's rights. My friend listened, but I don't know if she agrees. That's okay. We don't have to all agree. What is needed is mutual respect and a willingness to hear each other out, to listen attentively to one another's stories, instead of trying to push our ideas on others.

Listening is Powerful.  I believe that when we truly listen to another when she or he is conveying heartfelt messages, we empower that person and ourselves, as well. As long as we are trying to be right rather than trying to communicate our truth, we may set up a conflict. Conflicts can be difficult to resolve. It is much easier to start with respect and listen to each other's hearts, clarifying when needed, than it is to clean up failed communications that have resulted in conflicts.

When we truly try to know one another, we experience a deeper level of communication that often helps connect us. When we try to impose our ideas and values on others, we may only hit superficial levels on which communication attempts fail, like rubber balls bouncing off  a wall. It is only when we open ourselves to others' reality that we truly communicate.

Anger is about an uneasiness inside ourselves. It is not about another person; it is about us and what we need to resolve within ourselves for personal integration. Misplaced anger can destroy relationships. I want to look inside when I feel angry and upset and turn the mirror on myself. What is it I need to do to resolve this dis-ease inside myself? Breathe? Meditate? Exercise? Sing? Write?

Striking out at others when I am disturbed is something I am working to avoid. Before saying something I might regret, I try to remember to ask myself, "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" If I can answer "yes" to all three questions, I will make the comment. But by the time I have reflected on these points, often the irritation or anger has dissipated.

Anger is a messenger, not a weapon, and that message is to ourselves, not our friends and loved ones. Listening  to ourselves is powerful.

Sisterhood is Still Powerful

Robin Morgan, who wrote a book by this title in 1970, is one of the founding members of the Women’s Liberation Movement, often called second-wave feminism. At her talk at the University of North Carolina in Asheville in 2015, she spoke about the lack of a unified women’s movement today. She mentioned her hope for young women who were becoming feminists today, who, she felt, would be taking up the torch for the struggle for the women’s rights movement. She spoke of the work of the Women’s Media Center, which she, Gloria Steinem, and Jane Fonda started in 2005, to shed a light on the underrepresentation and misrepresentation of women in the media. Robin also interviews women on the Women’s Media Center radio show, called by The Huffington Post, ‘radio with a brain’.  

I asked Robin about the consciousness-raising groups of the late 1960s and 1970s, in which I had gotten support and felt solidarity with other women in the movement. She told me that we needed to resurrect them if we are to unite women in a struggle for social justice, although they might have to take a different form or use a different platform than face-to-face meetings. I was thrilled to meet this long time heroine of mine. It got me thinking that we women in Prout  (Progressive Utilization Theory) and other groups advocating for social justice for women, must work together in this same way that women did in the 60s and 70s, supporting one another, sharing our hopes and vision, our struggles, fears, and love. 

If we are to build a movement, we need to learn to trust one another, to talk to one another, to give praise and gentle support to overcome our individual and organizational obstacles. We must talk differences out face-to-face, giving one another the respect and benefit of the doubt that we, ourselves, want to be given.

I hope we can begin to join hands and create the world we want our children and our children’s children to inherit. We hold the future in our hands.